This is a long overdue post. Its been sitting in the draft box for awhile without being written but it is still something that deserves to be shared because it was one of my most memorable experiences. I'm not a person that lives with a lot of regret, but one thing I'll always regret is not getting pictures of this process. I guess I could relive it but I don't think that will be necessary, I'll just deal with the remorse.
On our second day of orientation we had a health check needed to acquire a work visa. Bri started squirming immediately when she heard the list of checkpoints during the physical would include a blood draw. I'd had a physical during the summer so I was thinking it would be no big deal.
About 15 new teachers headed over to the clinic where these physicals would occur that morning. We signed some paperwork and were herded into a waiting room that was completely full. Thankfully we had a school secretary leading us. She is native Chinese and would fill out parts of the paperwork we couldn't, tell teachers when and where they were supposed to go, and take care of the payments. Sitting there we waited for our number to be called by an automated system. "Number 87, go to room A15" You have to imagine that being loud and in Chinese. We knew what they were saying only because it scrolled across a digital board in Chinese and then in English. So you sit and wait anticipating anxiously what your going to experience hoping you can live up to the Chinese standard of their foreigners and if you're afraid of needles (Bri) you just sit and wait anticipating anxiously.
They finally call your name. I sat down with one of the two ladies in this particular room. One looks more like a drill sargent than a nurse and the other looks like it is her first day on the job. After a few general questions your papers are stamped and you're moving on to the real deal. You're given a locker and a robe. Take off your shoes put on some paper booties, take off your shirt and put on your robe. Pants are optional but recommended this is a co-ed process. Next you enter a long hall and this is where the pictures are needed. There are benches along the wall of the hall and they're full of people making their way through the same ordeal. Everyone has the robe on but the humorous thing is all the robes are the same size. Bri's fit her well so you can imagine what I looked like in my robe. I could tie it but still had about 6 inches of bare chest showing and the sleeves were short and tight. It was a sight to see.
Luckily Bri and I went in at about the same time. She was able to give her blood sample first thing which allowed her to relax and "enjoy" the rest of the exams. This leads us to the rest of the exams. As you head out of the blood drawing room a nurse looks at your sheet to see what has been stamped. Then she points toward another room along the hall and yells in Chinese and that is where you are supposed to go next. If there is a line, sit on the bench and wait your turn. If there is no line, head on in to the room. This is a really good bonding experience for new coworkers. It was kind of like listening to a good comedian. You don't know what is coming next but your pretty sure your going to laugh about it.
There were EKGs, chest x-rays, ultrasound of your abdomen, vision including a color blindness test, ENT check, pulse, blood pressure and general reflex checks. I think the experience was bearable for most, and I know I had fun. Of course, you have to enjoy being yelled at in a foreign language. Roll over! Turn to your left! Lift your arms up! All in gibberish. I didn't know what any of their yelling meant until they showed me or poked me.
The memory I'll never forget is waiting for my ultrasound. I was in the same room as a man I didn't know who was getting his ultrasound. He was behind a small curtain but I could see the nurse on his left and the nurse on his right so I had a pretty good idea of what was happening. The two nurses were flipping out because they couldn't find his gallbladder. They kept pointing at the screen and switching who had the probe. The man was turned and flipped and poked and prodded but they couldn't find it. Sensing there was an issue he said that he'd had his gallbladder removed (in English) but they didn't stop. Then one of the nurses noticed a small scar and they started poking that and talking to him in Chinese, like that is his multilingual switch and now he speaks Mandarin or Shanghainese or whatever they were speaking. He reiterated, "Yes, I know. It was removed about 30 years ago." They didn't understand him and yelled at each other some more before giving his robe back and sending him on his way. (I should clarify that when I say yelling in this post it was my perspective at the time of the physical. Now I know that when Chinese people talk to each other it quite often sounds like loud arguing when its just a conversation. That's another blog post though) When the man walked by I told him I was sorry about his gallbladder and we laughed a little under our breathes. It helps to have a sense of humor about that sort of thing.
The real excitement of the health exam comes a few weeks later when you get your report. It's about 7 pages and looks really official. Their general comments were I have a slightly fatty liver and my heart has a sinus arrhythmia. The first one wasn't a surprise. Veteran teachers say that 99% of foreigners are diagnosed with fatty livers. The second is supposed to be normal/common for people my age. I guess any nurses or murses reading this can advise me otherwise if need be. There were also some novel and creative suggestions for me to consider. Take proper exercises and improve dietary habits. Outstanding! As for Bri, I'm not at liberty to share her report other than her liver is fat and she's not pregnant (Sorry Izzy). Luckily, we're healthy enough to stay.
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