Being a mom in China

HELLO everyone!  It has been a long time since we were putting things on here so thanks for your patience.  We have been a tad distracted with our new little bundle of joy, Benton who made his arrival on October 19^th (my due date) after 53 hours of labor… I don’t want to talk about it. 

Parenthood has been our biggest adventure to date and I am beginning to believe again that I will get a good night’s sleep one day!  I am not, however understanding how anyone in the whole world has a sibling. 

Doing this whole thing in China has made some things much easier and also made some things harder.  For instance, because we are able to have full time help that does the laundry, cooks, cleans and snuggles the babe whenever needed that pretty much makes a whole lot of things easier. One of the biggest things I think is harder is venturing out.  The smog is one problem, I may have a plan for a walk get completely messed up because I don’t want my baby breathing poison.  When we have good days though, I find I am scared to go out alone.  We have a carseat we can hook to the stroller.  But when I catch the cab and take the carseat off the stroller what do I do with the baby while I put the stroller in the trunk?  Seriously someone give me an answer.

Pregnant in China

Being pregnant in China is a constant source of amusement for me.  I have a few stories for you that I think you will think is funny as well. 

-Many Chinese women will touch my belly and tell me if I am having a boy or girl.  I found this much more entertaining before we knew it was a boy.  When I ask them how they know they will say things like ‘because boy you stay pretty, girl make you ugly’  Well… thanks for guessing a girl then random stranger. 

-There have been several instances when I have asked for a cold drink and I get a disapproving look or even argued with.  Culturally they believe in large part that anything cold is not good for the baby or pregnant woman.  So far I have experienced no ill effects from a cold drink that I can tell.  I have even been at restaurants and they bring me a warm mug of water before I order anything else, this is a very kind gesture but it would be more appreciated if it wasn’t 80 degrees out and I wasn’t sweating from walking to the restaurant. 

-Radiation is another big concern for Chinese people when it comes to pregnancy.  I was getting a massage a few weeks ago and the masseuse moved my phone (which was plugged into ear phones which I was listening to) away from my belly and then told me that the phone was bad for bao bao (baby) Um.. Thanks lady but I think I'll take my chances, but if you want to ask the receptionist to stop smoking that would be a welcome improvement. 

 Radiation is such a concern to pregnant people that it is not uncommon to see a woman sporting one of these, a maternity radiation vest.

-I know that I dress differently than the typical pregnant Chinese woman which means that I wear clothes that show that I am pregnant. This is nothing that any American women wouldn’t do.  Basically I just wear clothes that show that I have legs.  Pregnant Chinese women favor a more 1950’s Mumu tent style.  This is the only explanation I have to try and explain the need for Chinese women to look at my pregnant body.  It is not uncommon to be out in my neighborhood and to see a local completely stop in her tracks to watch me walk by.  I wish I could say that I sweetly smile at them and move on my way but I get a bit irritated at the gawking so I often choose to stare back.  Unfortunately, I usually lose these staring contests and move on my way. 

What I find so funny about the special treatment is in other ways they do not find the need to provide any accommodation.  People still smoke in my face, nearly run me over on the street, cab drivers still kick me out early if they don’t want to turn around on a busy street.  So I decided to do an experiment, when we were last on the Metro I stood in front of the person occupying the ‘courtesy seat’ you know, the one with the picture of the old person with a cane, the physically handicapped person, and the pregnant lady.  I wanted Matt to capture the audacity of the person that remained in the seat.  Instead, the young man tapped politely on my bag and offered me the seat.  Humble pie never tasted so good. 

Chinese Fireworks

One of the few facts about China I remember growing up was it was the civilization that discovered gun powder.  Many of the fireworks we buy in the US are made in China still today.

Fireworks are still very popular here today.  I've heard fireworks in rural towns and in Shanghai.  A few weeks back Bri and I were sitting in our living room on a Saturday morning discussing our weekend plans.  It was nice outside so we had the windows open.  Suddenly I heard a bang like our refrigerator had fallen over in the kitchen. I jumped and wandered into the kitchen looking for signs of something that had fallen.  Bri was laughing because she knew...someone was shooting fireworks off.  Soon another loud bang followed and I figured out that someone was launching loud firecrackers and they were exploding only about 40 yards away and about the same height of our 10th floor apartment.

So why the firecrackers any time and any day?  They're used to scare off bad spirits on birthdays, weddings or when moving into a new apartment.  I had a lesson interrupted in class a couple weeks ago  when it sounded like an assault team was entering the school gates facing heavy resistance.  My students were shocked and joined me in investigating the situation.  Luckily I have a nice amount of windows in my class and we were able to see the situation clearly. Someone was moving in to an apartment but before they would start unloading the furniture they had to scare away all of the bad spirits.  So whenever you buy a new car or house remember to make a ruckus before moving in to rid the space of whatever unwanted spirits may be lingering.

Don't ask why....

We don't know why they decided to brick in the window but they did.

Full Time Ayi

We knew when we found out that we were expecting that finding the perfect Ayi was very important.  I may be what you call ‘particular’ when it comes to certain matters in my life and I feel that the care provided for my child will be no exception.  There was a couple that worked at our school that were leaving Shanghai for Moscow last spring with their 6-year-old daughter.  Their Ayi had been with them since their daughter was born and they were looking for a couple to ‘adopt’ their Ayi who had grown to be a part of their family.  When I approached them they were relieved to hear that we were looking.  We met Xiao Ma (Shao-Ma) and we had a good feeling, so we decided to hire her.  The only catch was that she would be full time from August because she didn’t want there to be a gap in paychecks.  So when we arrived back here on August 5^th she had already put in 40ish hours of work. 

We noticed that there were a few items that weren’t ours in the apartment, some books, some kitchen items and other random things.  I assumed that Xiao Ma’s previous family just asked her to bring them over and that they were things they didn’t want to take to Russia with them.  Then our friend Adriana arrived back from the states and asked for her stuff that we stored for her over the summer….. ooops. I found Adriana’s sports bras, work out clothes, handbags, blenders, diabetic medication, doggy door, doggy door screws, and dozens of other items put away in our apartment.  I found more stuff this week! 

There is defiantly an adjustment period with anything new and we are figuring each other out.  She has been making dinner a few times a week and has taught Matt how to make Kung Pao Chicken.  Next is dumplings or at least that what I hope he learns next.

Our apartment is very clean and to be honest I am a little worried about our relationship when we no longer have full time help.  I have no idea how to start the washing machine for instance.  I haven’t washed a dish since we have been back here.  I know what you are thinking… I don’t have real problems.  Maybe not, but do you see how this could BECOME a problem when we don’t have Xiao Ma around?  Now you understand.  In the meantime, I will enjoy my first world problem and stop complaining about our full time maid.

Ikea

This week we sent Xiao Ma to Ikea, Ikea is not my favorite place to go as it is the one of the only places you can go in the city that feels like you are in a city of 24 million people.  Thank God for Xiao Ma!

Here is a good article about Ikea in China;

http://www.scmp.com/news/china/article/1300942/ikea-last-cracks-china-market-success-has-meant-adapting-local-ways

Last Names

These are the last names of my grade 11 students.  I think you would be shocked to have a class of last names like this if you were teaching in Stratton or Topeka.

AKKARAT      ANDERSSON      CARAMASCHI      CHANG      CHOI      CHU      HOANG      HSU      KORHONEN      LAM      MA      MATTHEWS      MIURA      PARK      PARK      PARK      SHAN      SZE      TSAI      YANG      YEH      ZHU

No Smiths or Jones....and I didn't mistakenly write Park 3 times.  There are three Parks.  Its a super popular Korean name.  

Back from Summer 2013

     Bri and I have been back from summer for about three weeks now.  The heat of Shanghai in August is starting to pass.  When we arrived near the beginning of August we were regularly having heat indexes around 115F.  A couple mornings I'd go for a run to help with jet lag around 5am and come back soaked due to the 90 degree temps and 90 percent humidity.  Last night when I checked the weather our next days was scattered between upper eighties and low nineties.  This seems completely bearable when compared to the recent extremes.

    Settling in this August was easier than ever.  With established friendships personally and continuity professionally we both have been able ease back into a routine.  That said, we have big changes coming soon.  Most of our free time now is spent discussing and planning the job application process which will pick up steam in October and November or more likely discussing the arrival of our little boy in October.  It is a bit of unknown feeling for both of us.  In some aspects our life has roots and continuity where other aspects of our life are completely unknown right now.  Its an exciting place to be.

     In regards to the baby all is well.  A recent doctor appointment showed everything seeming normal.  Bri was happy when the doctor confirmed via ultrasound that he was in the position she had predicted using clues from bumps and kicks.  A funny moment occurred when Bri asked the doctor if it was still a boy.  Dr. Xu looked up with her always serious look and said, "Last time we told you it was a boy?".  Bri and I both felt our stomachs drop before Dr. Xu clarified that they couldn't see the gender today due to the positioning.  She laughed at our reactions and reassured us if they saw it with a good view last time that it would be a shock to her as well if it changed.

Soon we'll be updating the blog with a April vacation that we haven't shared yet, more of the usual life in Shanghai and when the time comes, baby updates.  Thanks to those of you who read faithfully and those of you that check in from time to time.  It is rewarding to hear people at home ask for more updates and share stories with us regarding the blog.  We'll work to keep it up in year three.

China Trip with Grade 6

Next week each class from grades 6-11 go on a weeklong trip somewhere in China.  I am a 6^th grade sponsor and this being their first year going, they are anxious about what to expect.  During the meeting yesterday they were able to get some clarification, here are three questions that I thought you would find amusing. 

1.     How many stars is the hotel that we are staying at?

2.     Where can I charge my iPhone when we are camping?

3.     Do I need to bring my night-vision goggles?

Mystery Meats

Stop and think about your daily life.  What things do you experience daily that people from another society or culture would be shocked to see?  After living in Shanghai for over a year we have become numb to some of these things at times: man peeing on street, people pointing at my hairy legs, roasted duck hanging in the window, etc.  These are things that won't even turn our head.

Saturday I was doing some shopping and I walked by the processed meat section optimistically hoping the store had begun stocking good bacon.  As I looked at some of the labels I was disappointed to not find good quality bacon and turned to move on.  Then I realized that people back home may appreciate some of these labels.  I selected a few special ones and then I saw something later in the day on a walk that fit the title of this blog appropriately as well.  You might skip the pictures if you like bologna and puppies.

Monday Night Football

Bri and I enjoyed the past football season.  We like to call it Monday Night Football but truly we're watching the games from Sunday.  We watch them in condensed mode so there are no commercials and they even cut the commentary out of the games. An entire condensed game only takes about 25-30 minutes to watch so you have to pay attention or you'll miss something.

Its fun to have people over to watch.  There's a Canadian third grade teacher that loves his Tampa Bay Buccaneers and our Irish friend joined us for a few games.  We've enjoyed having Bri's cousin Brooke with us after Christmas to watch the playoffs but this article is not really about football, its about marital excellence.

Returning later than expected from a doctor appointment after school I was going to head down to  get some cold beer to have available for people coming to watch the games.  My lovely wife, all cozy in her pajamas and reading the news on her laptop offered to walk to the store a couple blocks away for me so that I'd be here when the gentleman arrived.  What a lucky guy I am....

Enjoy the photo below of a fully acclimated expat, heading to the market in her pajamas and a coat.

我跑半程马拉松

    Wo pao ban cheng malasong.  I ran in the half marathon.  That's what I found myself saying to my masseuse yesterday.  He was puzzled as I groaned when he hit a knot on my leg muscles.  I used the translator on my phone and the fourth or fifth time I repeated myself he'd figured out what I was trying to say and confirmed it through charades.  Then he carried on and today I'm feeling back to normal, and ever thankful for ar shir san, #23 (my masseuse at a local 'spa').

     Some of you may know that I was training this fall for my first distance run and Sunday I completed my first half-marathon, which is really the first race of any kind I can remember competing in.  This fall Bri suggested I try training for something and I'm still not really sure why unless she just thought it would get me out of the apartment.  A few teachers who are runners encouraged me to run the half-marathon and a relatively weak moment I agreed to it.  I really enjoyed the training process.  Most of my long training runs were along a busy road in Shanghai, except I'd start around 5:30am on Sundays and there is something really surreal about running through a busy metropolis when it is just coming to life.  By the time I'd return from my run and walk through the local market it would be full of business and life.

     Although Sunday started out rainy and windy around 5:30 am, the wind and rain stopped around the start of the race.  Once I got a little space of my own running through some of the largest streets in Shanghai and past some of the great landmarks with over 18,000 people was quite fun.  One of the highlights was about two-thirds through the race when I saw some white faces cheering on the sidewalk.  The man was wearing a KC Royals hat.  When he saw me running in my Chiefs sweatshirt he and the people with him starting cheering loudly for KC.  It's always fun to be so far from home and then experience something like that.

     I finished faster than I had trained for although I'm quite sure the organizers were mistaken when measured the distance of the race.  My GPS said the 13.1 mile half-marathon course was actually closer to 14.4 miles and another friends GPS also thought it was around 14 miles.  What might be a better measure of the distance were my legs which were all to happy to cross the finish line.  Despite the distance discrepancy the race was great fun and I'm already looking forward to training for something else in the spring... maybe the Great Wall half-marathon in Beijing.

Thanks to Bri, Joce, Anita and Cody for encouraging me to take the leap and train for something I had never really considered doing.  It was a fun accomplishment.

Magic 8-Ball

This post has been awhile in the making.  If we didn't mention it we'd be deceiving readers that life overseas has been a perfect dream for us.  This decision has consumed us completely the last few weeks.

What are we doing next year?

Just 18 months after making our decision to take the jobs in Shanghai we have another big decision to make. We were offered new contracts last Monday and our decision is due this Friday.  Sure we could sign now and break it in a few months but we'd be punished financially.  Further more, do you really want to play the game of life like that?

We would like to stay overseas at this point.  We both agree that getting closer to home is a priority when we take another position but closer to home when you're in Shanghai could be Tokyo.  Jobs are opening up but its still very early so when we look at job possibilities they're sparse.  In January when most international teachers have declared intentions to stay or leave the picture will be more clear…but nobody gets to see that picture until it already begins to develop.  We've had preliminary discussions with some schools in the Caribbean but nothing serious enough to hedge our bets on.  

Our contract offers for Shanghai increased this year.  We know that if we leave Asia we won't have an offer that compares to this.  Central and South America pay less and Europe costs a fortune.  In Africa packages are diverse but the best are in dangerous areas so bring your bulletproof jacket.  Of course there is the Middle East where we'd make a small fortune but really?  We'd live in a compound and have restricted movement outside of our neighborhood.  No thanks.

Financially the savings we've had the past two years has been a blessing but the experiences we've had are priceless.  If we stayed for a third year Bri would have 3 months paid maternity leave if we chose to use it next school year.  Another perk in our third year would be paid leave days to go to the teacher fair and get new jobs where as this year, if we went to the fair, we'd have to use our own vacation days.  

Do you understand our dilemma?  So many factors to consider.

Pros of Staying

-Familiar with culture and city

-Shanghai is an international city which makes our lives relatively easy

-Great travel opportunities

-Great students

-Maternity leave

-Tax Free

Cons of Staying

- Difficult to get to know locals in this culture

- Air quality is horrible

- So far from home

- Ready for a new experience

Obviously the above isn't a complete list but it gives you a little peek into our lives and our decision.  Please send prayers for guidance or good vibes whatever your thing is… We appreciate your support as always. 

Vocabulary Problems

At times, not learning Chinese is really not a problem.  We have both learned a minimal amount and we seem to get along just fine.  Once in a while however we are reminded of the importance of being specific. 

We went to eat with some friends at a restaurant geared towards expats.  At the end of our meal I ordered two margaritas for my friend and I.  The waiter repeated what I said and I nodded in agreement.  It was taking our drinks a really long time to come out and when I asked about them he said that they were almost ready.  The next thing I knew, he was carrying two regular sized pizzas to our table.  Then it occurred to me, he thought I meant Margherita PIZZA! 

We ended up boxing up the pizza and paying for it anyway because I am sure that when the waiter asked for clarification, I told him that we wanted pizza.  Looks like we will be having leftovers tomorrow night!

Sunny

Lately I have been a bit negative about China.  I am aware of this and I apologize to the country of China itself and to you, our readers.  You must be wondering what we are still doing here if we hate it so much.  Well the truth is, we don’t hate it here.  We quite enjoy ourselves on a daily basis.  It is just those times when being in China is a bit too much that you get to read about it.  

This post is dedicated to one of my personal favorite parts of China; Sunny.

You see, Sunny is a little man that speaks English well enough to receive and send text messages.  When I send him a message he shows up a short time later and gives me a massage at my apartment. I have a weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) appointment on Thursday after my meeting.  

I pay him 120 RMB for 90 minutes.  That is approximately $18.  When I have those days when I want to punch China in the face, I don’t even have to leave my apartment, Sunny just shows up with his magic hands and an hour and a half later I am okay with China again.  

Here is a picture of me and Sunny.  I am not sure what he thought about Matt taking a picture...

Victory

Often when I see imported goods I get very excited.  Last year I saw Pop-tarts, spent $10 on a box and I don’t even really like Pop-tarts.  I long for things that I really do like, for instance cows milk that doesn’t TLC (Taste Like China) 

Matt and I went to a grocery store called Metro that we'd heard about but never visited.  My hopes were not high.  Matt even warned me before we went inside to put my Patience Pants on because my track record in Chinese grocery stores is not so great.  Normally, I reach a point where it takes everything I have not to yell, cry and take a taxi to the airport because I am so done with China.  It is everything that I hate about China rolled up into one terrible, terrible place.  Normally the stores have the highest concentration of humans that I have experienced in my life.  Now imagine that you are looking for, say, vinegar.  Now picture that you are in a multi-level, hot, smelly ass, Wal-Mart, with hundreds of other people and you can’t read any of the labels.  There are three to four Chinese workers per isle that don’t seem to have any idea that their isle is connected to any other isles because they have no clue where to find anything other than their own special items.  The lines are long, people see rats, need I say more?

Because of my melt-downs, Matt does nearly all of the shopping.  What a good husband I have! 

So back to my Metro story… I am mentally preparing myself for the fetal position when we enter my new favorite place.   It was glorious.  It smelled like Costco in the US.  You could see to the end of every aisle because there were not 50 people in your way.  Everything was spread out in a logical fashion and we could identify nearly every item.  I was just feeling great when we rounded the corner to the wine department.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Immediately I turned around to find Matt for him to confirm that it was not an illusion.  I then literally frolicked over to my favorite wine that I buy in AMERICA!  Then, as if it were a gift from God the price tag was only 90 RMB a bottle!  I bought 2 cases of the previously mentioned magic juice. Appreciate the little things.    

Ms. Yu

An added benefit to living in China is our Ayi, Ms. Yu.  Here are 10 facts about her;

1.    She comes to our apartment 3 times a week to clean, do laundry, pay some bills, cook and run errands. 

2.    She does not speak English.

3.    She will only iron Matt’s clothes.

4.    She makes good dumplings.

5.    She only smiles at Matt.

6.    She has a son and a husband.

7.    She has a secret hidingplace only she knows about for my socks.

8.    She was thoroughly confused on Halloween when 15 or so children showed up at our apartment dressed like monsters. 

9.    She carries a Prada purse.
10.  We don’t think she knows our names. 

Matt and Ayi making dumplings last spring.

Saturday Night Date

     The end of the first quarter is here.  We returned Sunday from a wonderful week in Thailand (stories and pictures to come) to guests from Colorado in Shanghai (pictures to come) and a crazy week at school.  With comments and grades due Monday morning I spent most of Saturday at school working.  Bri and I decided to go out to dinner at a local french restaurant that we're becoming very keen towards.  Its about a four block walk and the only real draw back is everyone in the place speaks french.  All of the food we've had has been fantastic and tonight we spoke with the chef which turned out to be very advantageous.  The ice cream that Bri was ooooing and aaahhhing over is only made for restaurants right now, but the chef said he'd put an order in for an extra 3 liter container as soon as we have space in the freezer.  We also spoke about how the quality of their beef is better than anything I can find out shopping on my own in Shanghai.  Felipe offered to check with his supplier who brings beef from Mongolia for the chuck roast I need to make my chili con carne.  After a great meal and the nice favors I think I might start working on my French.
     After dinner it was a walk to the local massage parlor.  There is always a little debate between Bri and I in regards to how nice of a parlor we're going to visit.  Will it be the $10 massage where you might get your second hand nicotine fix or will it be an $18 massage in a private room where you get a little fruit with your tea?  Tonight we had two very social men spoiling our feet and Bri and I were amazed by (as we often are) the amount of communication that can be had without having a common language.  Although we both know more Chinese than we did this time last year both of our vocabularies are quite sparse but here are a few of the things we're pretty sure they were telling us.

1. Matt has very hairy legs and feet.  He looks like a monkey.
2. Them: Where are you from?      
    Matt: Wo may guaren (I'm american)        
    Them: Thats what we thought because you are tall and wide (hand gestures like the bible school song about deep and wide)
3. Bri can't sleep well because her big toe has something wrong.
4. They implied I should rub Bri's heel more often....we think...

Matt

Interesting Picture of School

     Here's a good picture of the school a colleague took on the first day of classes.  We've grown numb to the tall building all around us and when I saw this picture I thought, "Wow, I forgot those tall buildings were there."

      The elementary school is to the left of the soccer field.  Across the soccer field are some residential apartments where mostly local people live.  Students that work in the lower school have good stories about what they see out their classrooms.  Last year, Bri watched a lady hang her underwear to dry every week.  This year a friend told me that the guy outside her window goes to his balcony to smoke AND water his flowers 4-5 times every day.  She thinks he has marital issues.

     Take note of the blue sky!
                     Matt

Back to School

     We've only been in class a little over a week but I'm really enjoying getting to know the new kids I have in class.  Its always fun to hear where the students are from, what languages they speak, where they traveled over the summer and other interesting facts.  One of the most interesting student backgrounds we've had is a new student of Bri's that is Canadian but has a Mexican parent and a Polish parent.  My students this year hail from.......North Carolina, Texas, Florida, California, New York, Canada, Sweden, France, Germany, Indonesia, Korea, Israel, Japan, Philippines, Ohio, Holland, Japan, Finland, China, Taiwan, Denmark, Brazil, Portugal, Iceland and Hong Kong.

Matt